Hi again!
So, the first episode of the Mimi Fox saga was a little rough, I know. Sometimes someones truth isn't easy to stomach. For instance, it is 4:00 here in NY and I haven't been to bed yet. I suffer from insomnia...not sure where it comes from exactly but I have some ideas. Side note, I don't have a medical diagnosis of insomnia but it seems more clear than not. I do know I have really awful night time anxiety. Here is an example for you. I bought a Luminess Air airbrush make up system and I was googling possible allergic reactions because the blush tends to burn my cheeks when I put it on but then goes away. Well in googling that I found TONS of terrifying complaints about the company... I was actually feeling tired until I saw all of that and now my head in spinning and my worry meter is through the roof. So what better way to channel that worry then to blog about it, right?
OK, let's talk anxiety. I am a very outgoing person. Almost to a fault. Its great for customer service and retail or restaurant work. However, it can be difficult in say, the dating world or social settings. An outgoing personality can't tend to lead people to think you are hitting on them or other such things along those lines. Nope, just being me. If I'm hitting on you, its a lot more forward. :) I can be so confident at times. I used to be a lot more confident before I gained weight in my 30s. THAT has taken a huge toll on me but something I always knew I may have to face at some point in life and here I am. Im constantly trying to find better ways to dress this body that even after 4 years, still feels so foreign to me. I was always under 100lbs until I hit 30 and now I'm 34. I will be 35 this year and have hope I will find some sort of agreement and understanding with my body that I am completely happy with. Weight aside, most of my anxiety and discomfort come from these random flood gates of thoughts that love to open up when I'm trying to fall asleep. I have tried every sleep aid under the sun. Homeopathic, prescribed, recreational...nothing works for more than a few nights IF that. My mental game is too strong for that shit. It's just strong in the wrong ways at the wrong times sometimes. Night time being the WORST. What I was trying to say is that sometimes even with an outgoing personality and loaded with hope...anxiety can still cripple a person. I try to remind myself that there is so much I can't change or control and that is OK or that I can't do anything about it at 4 am so rest and take care of the issue during business hours. For some reason it hasn't been quelling me at all the last year or so. The last few months have really been the worst. My sig other goes to work at 5:30am and for the last month, esp since I lost my job (Which doesn't help anxiety at all) I have been up all night while he sleeps and then I fall asleep after he leaves between 6-7am and then I sleep till he gets home around 3pm. My whole sleep cycle is fucked. I'm at the point now where if someone suggests getting an overnight job again because I am "up anyway", I'm going to scream. I do not like this sleep cycle and working over nights will not fix my issues. It will mean time away from my sig other which is not what I want at all. As of right now, getting this all out is helping so I will stop here and see if i can pass out. Wish me luck!
Xoxo,
Mimi Fox.
So, the first episode of the Mimi Fox saga was a little rough, I know. Sometimes someones truth isn't easy to stomach. For instance, it is 4:00 here in NY and I haven't been to bed yet. I suffer from insomnia...not sure where it comes from exactly but I have some ideas. Side note, I don't have a medical diagnosis of insomnia but it seems more clear than not. I do know I have really awful night time anxiety. Here is an example for you. I bought a Luminess Air airbrush make up system and I was googling possible allergic reactions because the blush tends to burn my cheeks when I put it on but then goes away. Well in googling that I found TONS of terrifying complaints about the company... I was actually feeling tired until I saw all of that and now my head in spinning and my worry meter is through the roof. So what better way to channel that worry then to blog about it, right?
OK, let's talk anxiety. I am a very outgoing person. Almost to a fault. Its great for customer service and retail or restaurant work. However, it can be difficult in say, the dating world or social settings. An outgoing personality can't tend to lead people to think you are hitting on them or other such things along those lines. Nope, just being me. If I'm hitting on you, its a lot more forward. :) I can be so confident at times. I used to be a lot more confident before I gained weight in my 30s. THAT has taken a huge toll on me but something I always knew I may have to face at some point in life and here I am. Im constantly trying to find better ways to dress this body that even after 4 years, still feels so foreign to me. I was always under 100lbs until I hit 30 and now I'm 34. I will be 35 this year and have hope I will find some sort of agreement and understanding with my body that I am completely happy with. Weight aside, most of my anxiety and discomfort come from these random flood gates of thoughts that love to open up when I'm trying to fall asleep. I have tried every sleep aid under the sun. Homeopathic, prescribed, recreational...nothing works for more than a few nights IF that. My mental game is too strong for that shit. It's just strong in the wrong ways at the wrong times sometimes. Night time being the WORST. What I was trying to say is that sometimes even with an outgoing personality and loaded with hope...anxiety can still cripple a person. I try to remind myself that there is so much I can't change or control and that is OK or that I can't do anything about it at 4 am so rest and take care of the issue during business hours. For some reason it hasn't been quelling me at all the last year or so. The last few months have really been the worst. My sig other goes to work at 5:30am and for the last month, esp since I lost my job (Which doesn't help anxiety at all) I have been up all night while he sleeps and then I fall asleep after he leaves between 6-7am and then I sleep till he gets home around 3pm. My whole sleep cycle is fucked. I'm at the point now where if someone suggests getting an overnight job again because I am "up anyway", I'm going to scream. I do not like this sleep cycle and working over nights will not fix my issues. It will mean time away from my sig other which is not what I want at all. As of right now, getting this all out is helping so I will stop here and see if i can pass out. Wish me luck!
Xoxo,
Mimi Fox.
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